Bugger the useless migraine diet I’m in Devon!

Yay I’ve escaped the Bray (sorry mum!)

I’m having a lovely time with Sophie, Hayden and their rabbit Blossom in Devon. I was so excited I couldn’t stop taking all the way down, poor Sophie! A few hours after settling in I was passed a leaflet for a silent meditation retreat – yes, I get the oh so subtle hint!

I slept for a couple of days as the journey took it out of me but this was expected and hey, at least I’m in a different and a very pretty bedroom. I actually feel much better than expected which is great!

I almost brought some oats with me as I love a bowl of porridge in the morning, I don’t think I need to worry too much about running out. I think we will be safe if we get snowed in…for about a decade!!

We have had a great time going swimming in the mornings, it really is a hardship after a long and tiring swim having to share a jacuzzi with several buff rugby players from the Exeter Rugby Club that happen to use that gym. It’s terrible! I wonder why Soph has a membership there hmmm?

I also had a very romantic valentines day babysitting for a couple who were going out for a nice meal. I sat with a large gin an tonic and a huge apple crumble watching The British Bake Off – I don’t think you could better that. Oh maybe a couple of rugby players…

I was also fortunate enough to be aloud to join in with the Devon Bat Group Annual Skittles Night. Yes you guessed right I came pretty much last.

It was a good giggle though. I met a guy (an expert in stoats actually) who worked at Southampton University. Knowing precisely ONE friend who still works at Southampton I naturally had to ask the question. It was so funny he did actually know him, what are the chances, or does that just tell you something about the character of my friend? Yes Reuben I did hear stories of young undergrads following you around like a god, got this pic just for you 😉

What was more exciting was the amazing raffle prizes, OUT OF THIS WORLD. I was absolutely gutted my numbers didn’t come up. I thought Hayden had lucked out on his win, who doesn’t need rubbish bags?

But then this girl hit the jackpot. Doesn’t she look thrilled? I think she must have framed art works of the other four Take That members at home and she’s just found the missing piece.

I’m a bit gutted I’m missing my cousin Maggie’s 21st Birthday Party but I’m looking forward to the drunken phone call later (the contents of that may be on my next blog!). I hope you have a very happy birthday Maggie and i’ll celebrate with cake and Prosecco with you when I get back!

So I’m having a really lovely time in Devon. I’m sure I’ve put a stone on already, thanks to a combination of Sophie and Mary Berry! I’m off for another piece of me lemon drizzle cake, it’s a hard life 😉

After two and a half years of no chocolate mums stash in the fridge became too much. Mums response ‘when are you going to Sophie’s?’

Having another interesting week. Still having insomnia; I bought some ‘Rescue Remedy Sledge Hammer Knock You Out Herbal Petals’ in my desperation. It advised 4 drops on the tongue before sleep – I was practically swigging the stuff at 4.30am. I feel I really am past petals, lavender oil and scented candles. I partly blame my consultant who had told me that he’s positive it’s not a case of IF I get better but WHEN I get better so I stupidly got over excited about all the things I’ll be able to do when I’m well again – it certainly didn’t aid sleep!

Other than that I’ve felt quite sick and headachy on the new tablets but I hoping that will wear off in the next few days. The vertigo has been a bit crappy but I put that down to the tiredness and I’m hoping it will settle when everything else does.

On the positive I’ve a friends wedding to look forward too. I just have to hope that I can fit into the old faithful blue dress ok. I’ve lost a bit of weight, I don’t know about some chicken fillets helping me out I think I’ll need two steroid pumped up turkeys to do the job! But it’s been a great excuse to scoff my face whenever I want (hmmm maybe that’s why I feel sick?). I’ve even been having a pint of Guinness at night to build me up, in a wine glass so it’s still ladylike 😉

I went out to lunch with my mum to an outside cafe in the woods that’s local to me. My mum is really lovely and chats to anyone and I mean anyone, in fact they’re lucky if they can get a word in let alone get away! There was a man on the table next to us (singing) who you could just tell wanted a chat with anyone. He hit the jackpot with my mum! They had a good natter and then mum had to leave to answer a phone call. She retuned to find the man with his Bible out asking if he could put his hand on my head and pray for me saying that he could heal me. Awkward! Lovely guy but that’s not really up my street, we left him there humming away quite happily.

I went to the gym with my aunt and went to a Pilates session (essentially lying down in a different place, it’s great for me) whilst she worked out. I went to meet her and on seeing me she then shouted to the entire gym that she hadn’t been there for so long her progress card had been archived. I then pointed out she still had her iPod on. At least every member at the gym is now aware of her progress!

I’m a bit disappointed as I can’t make the yoga reunion. Last year I went on the most amazing yoga retreat in Sardinia where I think my stomach got the best workout you can get just from all the laughing. In one restaurant we laughed so hard we got asked to keep it down (which made us laugh more) and this was in an Italian restaurant! I made some amazing friends and my vertigo was the best it has ever been – I can’t wait to go back.

I’m very excited as I’m going to go stay with a mate in Devon for a couple of weeks. It will give my poor mother a good break and it will give me a change of scene. I’m staying with a very good friend (and her rabbit) who is much more quirky than me so I’m sure we will have some great stories to add next week. I’m so excited I’ve started packing a week early (yes I’ve packed the polka dot bikini – you never know!), I feel like I’m going on holiday.

So I just have to hope that things will settle down and that the journey won’t make me too ill. I’m staying positive from my boost of positivity prescribed by my consultant last week so I think it will be great. Just think of all those cream teas and ciders I can consume to fit into my blue dress. Hmmmm may pack the baggy tracky bottoms!

I actually made it to the village pub this week for a cheeky Friday Prosecco. It was a crazy evening with the three other people in there (that’s including the bar staff!). My friend aka ‘Mr Carlsberg Extra Cold’ went mental and mixed it up a bit having a pint of Foster’s instead. It’s all happening in the Bray 😉

I have had a couple of really pants days where I was really ill and so watched back to back episodes of House. It made me really miss my job and start to question my diagnosis seeing a young guy on there with vertigo. Watching a program about brain surgery, ‘Brain Hospital – Saving Lives’ after was perhaps not a well thought out plan!

I’m still having real difficulty sleeping and it’s driving me a bit crazy, I went swimming at silly o’clock in morning on Saturday, had the pool to myself (funny that!) but it really helps to calm me down. It seems crazy that I find it difficult walking from the front door to the gate but I can manage 30 lengths at the pool with ease, although a tad pissed looking when I get out! I was really cheered up my some magazines sent by a friend, ‘Recipes’ and ‘Practical Poultry’, how on earth did she know I hadn’t read that issue? I have read it now by the way, you never know what will come up in a pub quiz! Actually, I felt a bit guilty looking at the chicken recipes after.

Fortunately, I went to see my Consultant this week, described by some on the migrainous vertigo forum as an earth angel, he is a lovely man. He spent an hour with me as he realised I’m currently in quite a mess. I told him I’m so desperate I’d do anything – if he told me to stand on my head for three hours a day singing hickory dickory dock I’d do it, he laughed and said he didn’t think that would do me to much good, bless him. He was so kind, reassuring me that I’m coping with the illness really well and that he has seen men who have been navy seals reduced to absolute wrecks. It looks like it’s more medication and some more scans to make sure we have the right diagnosis as things have gone a bit down hill. Or maybe its just to make sure I actually still have a brain in there, I swear it’s just porridge!

What was really amazing this week was I actually managed to go clothes shopping with my mum and I didn’t pass out! I can’t actually remember the last time I did this, it was really exciting. As anyone who knows me well understands I absolutely love my clothes. I had kindly been bought some clothes for Christmas by my mum and her boyfriend and anyone who gets me knows that brown leggings two sizes too big really aren’t my style, (it’s the thought that counts) so I had some items to exchange. I swapped a very pretty lace dress my mum had bought me for a towelling dressing gown, oh how times have changed. Ha ha I know which one I’d get more use out of at the moment! I’m also the only person who buys a polka dot bikini when there is ten inches of snow outside and it’s -4 (can I blame this on my meds?). Well it cheered me up and made me think of summer so I don’t care! Oh,I also down loaded the Taylor Swift album, I’m definitely blaming that on my medication!

Anyway, I’m exhausted and paying for the trip out to see my consultant. Not helped by being told the wrong place to go which was in fact pretty much the furthest point from where the actual clinic was. So I was staggering round the hospital lost not able to read the signs – fortunately I found someone to help me who didn’t run away (Lets just say I looked like I’d started on the gin and tonics very early!) so all was well in the end. I feel much more positive that I, with help from family and friends (you know who you are) will eventually crack this thing. Fingers crossed!

It’s been a bit of a dull week. My vertigo has been bad as expected because I’m so exhausted during the day due to my insomnia. Tiredness always makes it really bad. My days have been spent trying to do activities that don’t make me more tired or bring on vertigo or don’t send me to sleep and make my chance of sleeping at night even less. So yes I’ve mainly been watching back to back episodes of Prison Break – must be trying to send me a sublime message! One day I forgot to watch Neighbours at lunchtime and actually felt excited that afternoon when I realised I had something to look forward to!
Luckily for me (not for her) mum’s not been sleeping too well either so it has become quite normal to get up at 2.30am and have a cuppa (Decaf!!). The withdrawal side effects have been improving apart from the shakes that kick in late afternoon and make me look like a recovering alcoholic.
I went to the Disability Advice Centre to get some help as having not worked for two and a half years I’m a tad broke. I’m not entitled to anything as I was deemed fit for work by a nurse even though she had never heard of my condition; in fact I had to tell her what category it would go under. My consultant, the leading expert in the country whose opinion is sought all over the world, was clearly wrong. I was too naive during the assessment as I thought it was so obvious how ill I was there would be no problem. What an idiot!! I have sent forms several times to them and they still claim I haven’t done it. I was so frustrated the other day I phoned up and had a go at poor ‘Gary’ who suggested I send them again. I suggested he get on a playground roundabout for about ten minutes and then get off and then see how productive he is on a computer. He was a bit more understanding then. I did ask him if he spent all day on the phone getting whinged at to which he laughed and said ‘yeah, pretty much’. Honestly it’s like a full time job trying to get it sorted. The ironic thing being the only reason I’m doing it is that I’m too sick to do a full time job. It’s madness!
It’s so insulting being treated like a skiver I would absolutely LOVE to work; I’m going out of my mind with boredom. My auntie offered me some work as she has lots of jobs to do on account of her being a caterer for weddings. During a period when my vertigo was more under control I decided to give it a go. I was genuinely really excited – sure it’s a bit of a demotion from my career, but it was a step in the right direction and my aunt is a good giggle and I enjoy cooking. I managed about two hours making toast…and then was really ill and had to go to bed, it ruined me for a good few days. On the bright side I’m now Melba Toast Queen – I hadn’t even heard of it before! I’m hoping to try again when things settle – I’m sure there’s a World of Toast out there I haven’t even heard of yet! Life in the fast lane! It’s so hard doing things so slowly and having to rest all the time -so yes I find it a little annoying when I’m treated like a skiving idiot by the Job Centre.
Clearly I needed some relaxation after this and I actually managed to get to my ‘Old People’s Yoga But Determined to Remain Bendy Class’ one evening. I laid there on the cold village hall floor where I was supposed to have an ‘empty mind’ (I’ve never understood how you manage this?)But was actually pondering my sanity at having risked life and limb in the icy snow to get there; I was freezing my ass off on the floor and all this for the bargain price of a tenner for the pleasure! Help was at hand though -the yoga teacher managed to let rip during the breathing exercises. So childish I know, but I couldn’t help but get the giggles, made much worse by knowing how immature I looked. My lip still hurts. I really do need to get out more!

Errr can we have our jumpers back it’s a tad chilly!

Well, had to come off the drugs as I was getting worse and worse and it was time to cut my losses. Only another three months down the drain!! The withdrawal symptoms have not been fun; it was like a scene out of Train Spotting. I spent my days in bed. Head and body aching, twitching, feverish, nauseous, just having to stay as still as possible and hope that it would pass. Stupidly ordered a cheese free pizza (stupid migraine diet) during a moment of not feeling nauseous and then saw it several times again. .. Fortunately I managed to time my visits to the bathroom to the adverts during the latest Ken Follett epic. Quite a distraction, the hanging, rapes and murders put my problems into some perspective.
The insomnia was the worst part. Those very long hours during the night where every mistake and regret you have ever made comes back to haunt you. Speaking of haunting I downloaded an audio book called ‘The Woman in Black’…mistake!! I only managed to get through a few chapters and I was scared out of my mind. I was so spooked that mum’s boyfriend Derek’s snoring from across the hall, (normally I want to smother him as there is nothing quite as bad as someone else managing to sleep and being noisy about it) was great. Not only did it reassure me that there was someone in the house no ghost in their right mind would put up with that racket and haunt our home!
Anyway, it’s several days later and I’m feeling more human. I still can’t really sleep but I’m hoping that will come back with a good routine. Part of me was stupidly hoping that all the medication would fry my brain somehow and actually cure me. No such luck, so I’m just left with my original problem of vertigo but now with insomnia too, great!
On the bright side I actually managed to leave the house on my own today which is great; the only minor incident – locking my car and house keys in the car with the engine running, whilst trying to defrost it. Oops!

Well, the last few days have been a blur due to my rather wonderful medication which just makes me worse, yes I feel a Verve song coming on!
Last night I got really upset about my mess of a life so went to a friends and drank the best part of a bottle of wine (oops took mum’s Pinot leaving behind my £3.99 bargain Chataeu Neuf De Crap for her dinner party), chewed my friend’s ear off (cheers Tim, who even put up with me talking all the way through the Bourne legacy which I then really didn’t understand, funny that !) and then came to the momentous decision to reduce my dose of my mediation. I woke up feeling much brighter and so my good ‘ol dad thought he’d take me out for a relaxing decaff soy latte. Yes still on the crap migraine diet that’s working so wonderfully!!

Relaxing is not quite the right word – let me explain. We got into Costa Coffee without me passing out or dad’s knees giving way which is a miracle in itself. We spotted the comfy looking leather sofa and thought we were in luck. As dad queued up for my ridiculous coffee (yes he had to write it down) a middle aged, slightly dishevelled looking lady asked if she could sit on the seat opposite. Of course I said yes, never one for conflict. Then I noticed the massive Labrador named Hector. Oh dear. Let me just clarify – dad doesn’t do animals, the gene that makes you think awww at baby lambs or rabbits simply does not exist in my dad. After all, this is the boy that swapped his dog for a bike!!
Dad came over to the table carrying a tray of coffee and biscuits looking well pleased with himself having remembered my decaff, soya, half-fat, vegan, nut-free, with a hazelnut shot, coffee. He had not noticed the dog and tripped over the dog lead, he was not a happy bunny. ‘what’s F*****g dog doing in a F*****g coffee shop?!?. As ‘dishevelled’ woman shouted across the cafe ‘Sit! Hector Sit!’ he merely proceeded to run around my dad’s feet, as he drooled over the coffee table. The entire coffee shop went quiet and the parents of the five year old children looked over disapprovingly.‘ Get your smelly dog out of here, I’m allergic and he stinks’. ‘Dishevelled’ woman stormed over and told dad off for being so rude and moved Hector to another table. We sat in our comfy RELAXING leather chair getting evil looks from the dog owner and looks of amazement from the children on the neighbouring table that had learnt some nice new words! It was really relaxing trying to drink my decaf soy half-fat, vegan, nut-free, with a hazelnut shot, coffee latte, as fast as humanly possible, to get out of the place.

Well at least I wasn’t in bed all day and that is something to be thankful for!