Well the good is that the vertigo has settled down a bit (for now) yay! The bad is that I’ve been so sick on the new protocol I hardly leave the house to test out whether the vertigo is bad or not. The vertigo always flares up when I over do it, but you can’t get up to much when you can’t be far from a bathroom.

I stupidly (or impressively I’m not sure) attempted a couple of yoga classes that I usually try to get to on a good day. I managed about five minutes of the one at the gym and spent the remainder of the hour on the floor of the bathroom. I tried another class a week later in a rather posh town, I payed £12 to basically lay on the floor of the bathroom.

Obviously I have spent a lot of time in my own bathroom too. I feel like a hygiene inspector. I can tell you the posh yoga hall won hands down on cleanliness ( I may make them a trophy). My bathroom is pretty close to the bottom – I may catch something else to worry about if I’m not careful. Bring out the marigolds and the bleach?

Anyway that’s my thrilling post about toilets. I’m sure some news paper will snap me up soon to be a columnist – my life is pretty fascinating after all 😉

Thank goodness I have some amazing people around me to help me keep my sanity and go on gluten free runs for me. Also it’s the small things that really cheer you up 😉

Seeeevernn!!

For me more like:

EDGE of INSANITY

EAT (tablets). VOMIT. SLEEP. REPEAT.

Not sure it will be nominated for any Oscars…hmm unless I get Meryl Streep on board (I do look about 67) 🙂

Oh pants I can’t remember where I wrote them down, ah here we go:

• I couldn’t find where I’d left my note book that contains the list of things that I actually remember messing up!!
• I woke up early and made a cuppa to take back to bed and listen to the radio. I went for a sip and found that I had brought up the pint of milk instead of my much loved first cup of decaf of the day.
• I’m now wearing out the carpet on the stairs as I go up and down with no idea what I’m doing once I get there
• I put the grill on instead of the oven – that won’t cook my GF pizza now will it?
• Waited for pizza cooking in the oven when I’d already got it out of the oven and it was waiting for me on the side, nice and cold.
• lost my favourite scarf – it can only be in my house or doctors surgery but I still can’t find it 🙁
• lost my favourite ring – see above, no luck
• People in queues behind me in Tescos get frustrated. I take so much time making sure I give them my reward card, pack all the items I’ve bought, take the cash back and leave with my card that I may as well pull up a chair and have a cuppa (or a pint of milk)

Arghhh when will I get my brain back!?!?!

In the words of Dead Or Alive “you spin me right round baby right round”. My vertigo is absolutely terrible and I can’t walk for more than a few metres. The clinic did warn me about this but it’s still devastating. I have spent a lot of time on the bathroom floor (I really must clean it as my chance of catching something else from that is highly likely!). Keeping my head still but wanting to be sick is an interesting conundrum.

My poor mother had to sit in the kitchen for three hours with me as it came on so suddenly and I could not move my head at all. At least my mum could read out some pages out of my latest book that I was given. It was interesting as apparently all my problems are my parents fault (awkward!) – just kidding it’s really interesting and I love that person for trying to help me!

Dear God I hope these people in the American know what they are doing – I’m currently a total mess. I feel like I was let out of the box and now I’ve been shut back in 🙁

last week I was managing to do this which I now find much easier than walking. It’s not perfect as I had my phone on the ten second timer – yes I took it myself, ten seconds really isn’t that long and I needed a couple of attempts – not very zen! Don’t tell the benefits people though they will have me in the circus before you know it!

What’s worse is that I’m currently stuck in my sauna for another 15 minutes with Radio 1 on and the rapping has started – I’m WAY to old for Radio 1 and I must accept this. Golden Oldies it is for me. Well at least I have breakfast to look forward too.

And my awesome last pair of PJ’S thanks to all the night sweats I’m experiencing – hot stuff (excuse the pun!) aren’t I 😉

I was doing really well until my head got filled with porridge and cotton wool resulting in a total car crash of a mess. I’m going to list some of the things that I actually remember doing. Warning this could make you laugh or just make you want to send round a responsible adult to supervise:

• Signed a leaving card but forgot how to spell my name so had to bodge it.
• Put a baking tray on top of gluten free pizza – have had to ditch Paleo (diet not some Spanish lover) for a bit as I’m struggling to keep any drugs down without it. Yes I have pizza every other day!
• Tried to put baking tray in fridge – probably pizza related
• Left cooker on (I think after cooking a pizza – I guess it’s a good chance lets face it!)
• Got left over bolognese (whoop whoop not pizza!) portion out of the fridge and put it in the microwave and waited thinking it was taking a long time – wasn’t in the microwave it was in the fridge.
• Could not work out simple math (I have a spreadsheet) to tell my doctor how many tablets I needed – I have two degrees!
• Felt a bit better so thought I’d try a yoga class at my local gym – got there an hour early.
• Got things ready for a nice cuppa – yup salt and pepper probably not to useful.
• Put a very expensive decafinated Twinings tea bag into my already made decaf coffee – trust me Tecoffee will never catch on.
• Can’t win any arguments with my boyfriend (this is a right bummer) as I truly can’t remember what I’ve said or done most of the time.
• Have to have simple plots on TV dramas explained to me. Since when did Agatha Christie start writing for Neighbours?
• Left £50 cash back in Tescos.
• Next time I visited Tescos I concentrated so hard on not forgetting the cashback that I left my bank card instead – handy.
• Spatial awareness rather off – I cant park for s**t (no comments about women drivers please!)
• Texted the wrong person to ‘please pick up some cream for a rash’ (it was drug related rash on my legs just to clarify)
• Writing this I took a rather ridiculous amount of time looking for the exclamation mark, you may have noticed that I use this rather a lot!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for the comms down. Things have been all over the place with both my physical and emotional health (I have been a bit cray cray) and I wanted to give a true reflection of how things have been. My sister (who lives in Australia) got married and the pre wedding stress, the actual wedding stress, and post wedding stress was immence and would have sent a fit and healthy person over the edge – I actually coped quite well, I guess being in a drug fulled state has its benefits 😉

I had been doing so amazingly well with my walking, even climbing Ivanhoe Beacon, this has been seen as pretty much mount Everest to me for the past six years! Yes I had to have a little rest at the top huffing and puffing but I was so happy to manage it – A-MAY-ZING!

It’s bigger than it looks honest!

But I have started a new protocol and very much like my much cared for sunflowers I have deteriorated big time – apparently this is a good thing, I’m not convinced myself but it is hard to be objective I guess.

So, the last three weeks have been vom-tastic. I did manage a weekend with the yoga girls which was a well needed break and an absolute hoot!

Yes resisting the chocolate fondant was a challenge, the Paleo diet is SO mean!

But I found something else that I could get involved in…

So Michael and I got well excited making distilled water for the next phase of my treatment – my kitchen looked like something out of breaking Bad:

But unfortunately it has meant a return of all my symptoms that I thought I had got rid of – words can not describe how gutted I feel (well perhaps a few but not very lady like ones!). Anyway talking to the “People in the Know” this is really common and I have to sit it out during this period of treatment. So that’s ok – until I found out I have to now do another nine weeks of this, there are only so many box sets a girl can take!

So, I’m just taking each day as it comes (generally on the sofa/bed trying to keep the meds down) and hope that this is worth it in the long run. It’s scary because I have been here before so many times, suffering so much with only more negative results. I just have trust that because I have had some relief for the first time in years that these guys know what they are doing…eek!

Got to love village life!

Despite my mums best efforts to guard the veg whilst I was away (bless her!) disaster has struck.

Rabbits have had everything. We have had to build a chicken wire fence all around existing wooden one to keep them out. it’s so annoying but I can’t help having a certain Simon and Garfunkel song in my head and feel a bit guilty about it 🙂

Still loving America as I’ve been doing really well on the pre-treatment protocol which has been a lot of drugs to try and calm my mental brain down.  I took advantage of this good patch to go on a proper holiday (Washington was just an ordeal!) before I start the more gruelling antibiotic regime – I’ve had to make a spread sheet just to stay on top of things.

It was great to go away and feel so much better. Admittedly the weather for the first few days was rubbish. It was so grim the pool bar had a log burner going for the first three days. We were wearing our warm ‘England clothes’ that we travelled in for days trying to keep warm! Still managed to have fun though.

Things brightened up and I even took a bus without being totally terrified for the first time in 6 years! That sounds like such a simple thing to do but I’d previously worry about an ‘episode’ or how far I’d have to walk the other end, passing out etc etc etc – quite valid reasons to be concerned!

After a few practice runs of walking to the beach I managed to get up really early in the morning and walk to the beach and do my yoga practice on a beautiful empty beach – it was amazing!

I also went to a stunning  church, I’m not religious but I was really drawn to it. I lit a candle and made a wish that everyone that I care about live a happy and healthy life.

On my return I didn’t crash like usual. I even managed to walk across the fields to a local pub. Something I’ve always wanted to do and used to sit and cry about with my mum as I thought I’d never would again. So simple but a massive deal to me. I can’t tell you the relief I felt when I actually got there – I sat and had a big cry and a big drink!

Just hope the antibiotic protocol doesn’t rock the boat too much (excuse the pun). I’m expecting a set back but hey, at least I know I can do these things, my brain isn’t damaged beyond repair. I just have to remember what I have managed in the three weeks prior to the antibiotics and not get too disheartened if things deteriorate 🙂

Cheers – no more drink for me for a while!

WOO HOO I actually managed to walk down to the village shop to buy a pint of milk which is something I’ve always wanted to do (big ambitions hey!). Just as well as I need a lot of milk at the moment, let me explain. Since I will be on and off antibiotic treatment for the foreseeable future and my stomach has started to be affected (funny that after years of antibiotics!) I have been making my own good bugs to help me out.

My kitchen looks like a brewery but Kefir is supposed to contain lots of good bacteria and generally be amazing for you for loads of good reasons (hmmmm can’t remember exactly what now come to think of it, hello Google) so I’m giving it a good go. It’s like a slightly fizzy yogurt drink – not quite Prosecco but bottoms up 🙂