My vertigo was really bad over the weekend 🙁 I rested up so that I could go to the cinema and it was probably a bit over ambitious. There was a little walk from the car park, an escalator, a sparkly floor followed by a patterned carpet before I could get to my seat – like the Krypton Factor but for people with vertigo.

When I finally got to my place I was so worried about managing to do it again on the way back I don’t even remember the first half of the film. The film was really good though, it felt great to not have to wait fot it to get onto Netflix! The vertigo was really bad leaving and I almost passed out. It was such a relief to get back to my much hated sofa!

Day 25 will now be known as official melt down day. I went to the surgery for blood tests and an ECG as I’m on so many ‘fun drugs’ I need to be monitored. I had to go to another surgery to have the ECG to be told by a dragon of a receptionist that they couldn’t do it even though I’ve been booked in for weeks. I didn’t even get an apology. Where do they get these people, they sit on a desk in a doctors reception and they feel they have absorbed all those years of medical knowledge by just being in the same flippin building?!? She had absolutely no clue what she was talking about and was about as empathetic as a wet tea towel. Being told I should just pop to A&E if I think I really need it but I’ll be waiting a long time pushed me right over the edge – I cant pop anywhere!

So I had a melt down. It wasn’t so much her pretending to know what she was talking about, it was the clear lack of understanding that it had taken so much effort for me to get there. I have to say the nurse was really great, she said she could completely see my frustration and could have quite happily of joined in with me. Anyway, needless to say I spent the remainder of the day on the sofa.

I didn’t sleep well last night so I felt rubbish before I even got out of bed which isn’t a great start. I was really jittery and an emotional wreck, I realised action was required when I was reduced to a blubbering mess after the John Lewis Advert. I went to HobbyCraft as crafts can take my mind off things and I’ve not done anything for ages. I can’t explain how awful it is feeling so tired but being unable to sit still. I used to think I knew what it was like to feel anxious but I realise now I had no real clue. My vertigo wasn’t actually too bad but I still felt really terrible I may actually be finally losing my marbles.

So, I transforemed this:

into this:

Hmmmm do you think that there is something on my mind?

Today has been a boring day trying to let things balance out as I am yo-yoing a bit. I managed to get to the health food shop and park right outside which was lucky. I then proceeded to spend more than what I’m supposed to live on for a week on one months supply of two supplements. It’s so frustrating having to spend so much money on this stuff when you don’t even know if it is actually doing anything. It’s not like I pop one of these bad boys and feel great after. I’d really rather treat myself to something pretty like shoes but c’est la vie 😉

I mixed up a few recipes and made sweet potato brownies with a raw cacao and coconut oil frosting, very nice but still not proper chocolate cake…or shoes!

I slept much better last night but awoke with a banging headache and nausea – when did I hit the red wine and why don’t I remember it? I forced myself out of bed and went to Tesco’s with my mum which was a challenge as always, but at least now I have a full fridge for middle of the night baking should I need it. I feel just like I’ve had a really heavy night, unfortunately I don’t think a MacDonald’s is high up on my gluten free/healthy diet plan though!

But my ‘Deliciously Ella’ aubergine winter salad was and it was…errrr…delicious!

Three weeks done so it should all be downhill from here, in theory. Last night my insomnia was terrible again, I awoke at silly o clock jittery and soaked through. My fridge is bare so I couldn’t even distract myself with baking – I’m sure my neighbours were relieved though!

I wasn’t sure if I should go to yoga as I was in bed for three days after last week. I couldn’t sit around feeling so tired and wired so I risked it and I’m glad I did as I think I feel better for it. I rested all afternoon, it will be interesting to see what tomorrow brings – will I be upright or not?

Almost half way through the treatment yay! I did well today taking on Primark, professional athletes can find Primark tough on a Sunday! I was walking around like I was plastered (so fitted in nicely!) and felt pretty unsteady on my sofa for the remainder of the day. I got a ridiculously brilliant Christmas jumper though so it was worth it. Just counting down to wearing my jumper with a lovely glass of mulled wine in a few weeks time!

Not the best day but not as bad as I expected after only a couple of hours sleep. Despite prescription sleep medications and litres of herbal’ God only know what’ sleeping remedies it just didn’t happen for me. I even tried an Oprah Winfrey meditation video in my desperation! In the end I got so wound up about not sleeping I knew it was never going to happen, I got up and cleaned my oven, made leak and potato soup and baked a batch of cookies all before 8am. Apologies to my neighbour for the use of not only the blender but my whizzer too – I’d kind of got to the ‘if I can’t have any sleep why should anybody else?’ stage of the crazies in the insomnia stakes. The day was a write off but I did well in the evening, finally snapping out of the zombies enough to go out for a nice meal 🙂

I went to yoga today which went surprisingly ok, mainly because my normal yoga teacher was off sick and the cover teacher was a bit more gentle. That was followed by ANOTHER rubbish sofa day, feeling like a prize idiot for doing too much and making myself feel bad. I don’t think I’m ever going to get the balance right but I’m so sick of my sofa, there is even a body imprint on it now!

I actually left the house today which was very exciting. I think the lovely lady who does my massage was a bit scared as I wouldn’t shut up, I’d gone a tad stir crazy. I came home and totally crashed but I still don’t feel as bad as the last couple of days thank God. Even treated myself to a bit of online shopping, going wild and ordering a spice rack and a little something for my Dad’s birthday – and no, I didn’t get one for myself!